It wasn't much...but I called it home.

Today, I am moving from my little studio on Grace street. I love my little studio. This breaks my heart a lot-a bit. I didn't necessarily love it when I first took it, but that probably is more a reflection of the context of when I first moved in one year ago.
Yes, this is a flashback moment. When I first moved to Chicago, I was subleasing a condo downtown. Which was awesome. My internship with Edelman was in full swing and taking up all of my time...so the end of my sublease snuck up on me really quickly. I only had a matter of days to find a new place....nobody I knew had room for a roommate...so this was the cheapest, safest little studio I could find. It was close the lake and the utilities were included in the rent.
I moved in with three pieces of luggage and a borrowed air mattress. A guy who saved me from taking the wrong bus to the south side said to me after hearing this story, "this sounds like the beginning of a chick flick." Hahahahahaha, I think it does too.
Slowly I began to get more things. My good friends drove my car out to me, full of my belongings. I bought dishes, a lamp, a chair, some art. I got a free futon...and a free bed....and somewhere along the way, it became home.
The reason for the feeling of home I think is the memories that have been made in this little studio. Friends and family have come to visit. I've had some pretty significant conversations in this place that have strengthened relationships that are very close to my heart. We've laughed, we've cried.
It was always my refuge. I always felt safe here and I will leave a little piece of my heart with it. Goodbye little studio on Grace street, you've been so good to me.
The song dedication for this post is: "This is Home" by Switchfoot.

Learning from (my) Mistakes

Everybody make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Well, that's what people say anyway.......but I'm not so sure they mean it. I feel like people can know that, and yet still not exhibit that understanding when someone does in fact make a mistake. I know I feel that way about myself for sure. People also say, you're your own worst critic....and I think they mean me specifically when they say that.
I just find that it can be hard to be patient with repeats. Like you touched the stove and got burned....so why would you touch it again? Uh Duh- It's still going to hurt this time too. It's almost like I can't help myself though. Between work, relationships, budgets and just life...there's a lot of room for error.
I think for me, part of the solution lies in finding other choices. It's kind of like when I'm trying to keep myself from snacking; it's a lot easier to keep from snacking when I don't just tell myself to not snack-but stick in a piece of gum or something. You get what I'm saying right? You've got to replace negatives with positives, you have to change behaviors. It starts by recognizing where you make a mistake. However, instead of me just beating myself up for doing something dumb, it's much more useful to take control and create actionable solutions to do instead of said dumb mistake.
It's like that saying from "The Secret Garden," where you plant a rose a thistle can not grow. ......besides...I always mean really well....so bless my heart I guess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZIzJUrViY4

Utah, THE WEDDING, Washington, Home...and the Reunion

So this last month I got the chance to go back to Utah and hang out with my sister and her family. It was so good for the soul to be with them-I love my sister's kids so much! If you saw them....you would understand. Not only are they the most beautiful children I have seen...but they also are the sweetest. I can't even tell you how much I love being an aunt. Tea parties, dance parties and tickle fights.....yeah....it's the best. My sister Katherine is pretty great too-love her lots!
As it turns out I went to Utah for the wedding I had been dreaming of for the past year. No, not my own sadly....(someday right? quick somebody pat me on my knee and smile sympathetically!)...but two of my friends finally figured out that they were in love with each other and that they should do something about that! I was so happy to be able to be there for their wedding. Jessica was stunning and Dan looked so happy....it truly is a beautiful thing when people find love with their best friend. It just made me so happy to see the generous love that they have developed for each other. Watching them be sealed in the temple as they listened and smiled at each other-it warmed my heart to know that this is just the beginning of their love story. It only gets better from here Dan and Jess! ....or so I'm told.....I wouldn't really know....but I'm pretty confident that will be true for you.
After the wedding I flew out to Washington, to see more family and (gasp) to go to my High School reunion. I know....I'm surprised too. It was great to see my brothers, my sweet, darling sister Kristen and my Papa. It did me a lot of good to see them all. I love my family.
For that reason, (to spend most of the time with my family) I only went to the bbq in the park for my High School Reunion. It was nice to see my old friends and yes I meant old-I don't know how this happened to us....I swear we just graduated. Some things have changed...some have stayed the same. It's funny to see what time will do for people. To see one of the goofiest guys from my class now married with a baby and planning on going into the ministry. Who knew! It was fun. I really don't know why people get anxious about their High School Reunions-there's no need. I was happy to see everyone!
All in all a good showing for just one week! I got to see so many people that I love and return to the places that I have once called home. It was a good trip. This song dedication is for Dan and Jessica. It was the song they played for their first dance-and I think the words are a perfect foreshadowing of their future. I know you will both continue to grow in your love for each other! Love you both! Congrats again!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AtaZ_NU_tU
also.....I happen to love this song too.....

My One Year Anniversary

One year ago today I moved to Chicago, Illinois. I had about a week from the time I was offered the internship and my start date. The best I could manage for living arrangements was to sublease an amazing condo in the heart of downtown. The catch was that I couldn't move in until the night of the 21st...which was also the day I started work.
My flight didn't arrive until just before midnight in Chicago. I spent that night in a hotel by the airport. I had googled directions and had them printed out and left early. I was all dolled up and ready to take on this city. Except that it was raining....and I didn't pack an umbrella. I assumed that rain meant cold...but it didn't. So I was sweating in the humidity under my trench coat as I got soaking wet in the rain.
I got on the right train and got off at the right stop.....but from there I was confused. Aka lost. Which way was east Google?! There are no mountains-only buildings-how the crap am I supposed to know!? I asked three people for directions and each lead me astray. One person directed me to the AON center...which turned out to be the Thompson Center. Neat. I was frantically trying to get ahold of my contact in HR, because as you guessed it...I was late.
By the time I made it to the building and checked in....I was pretty much a hot mess and 45 minutes late. It wasn't necessarily an ideal cute meet for me and Chicago. However, it didn't take long for me to fall in love. Despite the terrifying walk to work each morning at 4:45 a.m. and taking wrong buses that put me in the projects.
Chicago Summer is amazing. Thursdays were my favorite. I'd get off work and go to my beloved Farmer's Market in the Daley Plaza. (I was committed to the Farmer's Market.) I would buy fresh produce and flowers. Then I would head to the Art Institute (free on Thursday nights) and wander through the gardens to the free concert in Millennium Park afterward. Fireworks at Navy Pier, walks along the Chicago River, random boat rides on the lake, Cubs games, road trips. It was a wonderful Summer.
Fall came and things began to change. I had moved from downtown to a quaint little neighborhood near Wrigley Field. My internship ended and a chill began to set in. It was a long, cold winter. It really was. We had Chiclone hit in the fall and the Chicago blizzard that shut down the city. I was job hunting, and temping. My friends brought my car to me...and the city welcomed it by ticketing it, towing it, breaking into it and stealing it.
Though it was often covered in snow, I could still see the beauty Chicago had to offer. The Chriskindle market, ice skating in Millennium Park, the Lincoln Zoo lights, dueling piano's, WICKED, and dance parties were all bright spots that warmed the soul. My love only grew stronger.
Now here it is Summer again. We've made it through tornado watches and the time for beach volleyball and bbq's is here. I started a new internship that I love and the sun is shining again....well most days. There have been highs and there have been lows, but we've worked through them. Chicago holds my heart for now and I am so happy to be here living my dream, one day at a time. Happy Anniversary Chicago, I love you!

Panic in Detroit

To be honest, I haven't even heard that song by David Bowie....but I did go to Detroit recently...and maybe there was a little element of panic. Road trips and adventure have begun-hello Summer 2011! I headed up north to Michigan with some friends to see what there was to see.
I think Detroit gets a bad wrap. It makes me sad how much has been abandoned in Detroit. It is a pretty cool city-I think it still has plenty to offer. We started out at Hitsville USA, the home of Motown! It was amazing. I totally recommend checking it out. It has been left much the same as it was when it was in its heyday. I loved it-plenty of memorabilia, history, and our tour guide was a great singer too. I was impressed! Then-at the end we got to sing in the actual Motown recording studio! Yes please! That pretty much made my life. I loved it.
We then went to downtown to try some famous coney dogs. We did a taste test between Lafayette and American Coney's, they were right next to each other....so that was pretty easy. Lafayette was the legit local place where they just crank you through. You are in and out. They start cleaning up after you and seating people at your table before you've had the chance to leave. Then there was American Coney's they were the more touristy yuppie place....and their chili dog was better, I gotta say, they won my vote.
We just stumbled upon the rest of our Detroit experience. It worked out really well. We started walking around Detroit and I thought a building looked cool so we went it. Turns out it's a tourist destination and was the cathedral of finance. One of the guys at the tourist shop gave me a list of things to check out. Turns out there was a major festival downtown so we went! On the way we saw all the major sites that are on the postcards for Detroit. It was great.
We then went to what was supposed to be an art festival in a park...pretty lame. But we then went and took some hipster photos in front of a cool looking church nearby and it turns out that it is the church with a hole in the roof. They let us go inside. It is the church that Mitch Album helped save and wrote about in his book, "Have a Little Faith".
We did a few other things but then decided that since we were so close to Canada...that we would make a run for the border, but we didn't have any papers with us...so we approached the border and filled up on gas. I went inside to use the little girls room and asked a cashier if they would let us back into the states...she said they wouldn't let us into Canada and that I couldn't buy the delicious chocolates that I was about to purchase. Curse. Oh wait, we just filled up on duty free gas....ah. So I explained what happened to someone working there and he said that it would be alright just when we got to the check point to tell them we made a mistake and that we need to get back to the states. So check point, success. He gave us a form we filled it out and told us to go to the guy at the fence. He then asks if we purchased anything, any food, gas, perfume, etc. My friend Lauren (bless her heart) then tells him that we bought gas. Doh. So he made us go to Canada because he wasn't "willing to lose his job other this". So we go over the bridge....and do some sweet talking and we were told to go around the corner and flip around....and we missed it. We accidentally really went into Canada. Oops. It's alright though-a little more sweet talking got us back to the USA. Glad to be back! and to not have been arrested.
The rest of the weekend we hung out in Ann Arbor-it was beautiful up there. As much as I love being in Chicago, it is nice to get outside the city too!
This song is a shout out to the Motown: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXKHMaoalB0
It may be my favorite AND it shows the recording studio of Motown!

One Year Older and Wiser...supposedly

So, it happened. I was kind of in denial that it would...but I got older. I was talking to a friend about this getting older business and he said something so spot on. It was something to this effect, "I feel like how I looked at the future and where I would be and what I would be doing and how I would feel at this point is like what the Jetsons let me think the future would be like. We thought by now there would be flying cars and other crazy space traveling stuff going on, but there's not. I totally thought I would feel like a grown up or have certain things in my life, but I don't and that's okay, we don't need flying cars." That's your shout out Frank!
This is true for me. Part of why I was sort of in denial about my birthday was because I was starting to feel like I wasn't keeping up with my age...and that I don't want to. I don't feel 28. I feel like I should still be an undergraduate, that the world is my oyster and that I can still live my dream of dropping everything and hopping on a plane to go backpack Europe.
It feels like there is a certain stage of my life that is coming to a close...and that's hard. Change is hard, not necessarily because better things aren't in store...but because we don't know what's in store. What we've had is all we know.
I feel like I've learned a lot about myself since my birthday...which is crazy...but true. I've really found myself taking a step back and looking at what I've held onto that I shouldn't. It's funny how we don't realize how holding on to certain things really just holds us back....but it's true in some cases. It's hard to change....I feel like I definitely have had growing pains when my birthday has come around for the last few years...but it's okay. Like a fine wine (cause I know how that goes....) or fine cheese (I don't really know anything about that either....)I just keep getting better with age. ;) Or at least, that's what I tell myself anyway.
It was a fun week, people let me feel special and let me know they were glad I was born. I had dinner with a few friends, some of my crew threw me a surprise bday dance party. (They know me well-I love to dance.) This weekend, I did have a birthday adventure and went north...but I think that story deserves a post all it's own.
So here's to a new year. It might as well be a good one. In fact....might as well go all in! Best year ever-coming up!
This song is dedicated to me...cause it was my birthday, okay? What?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvLTsJdX0V4

Patience...the Virtue

As it turns out, I am not always a patient woman. I mean to be, bless my heart....but I'm not.
Today, I left work a little early because I was trying to race the parking police to my car. The Cubs season has started again...which is great! ....and now I can't park in my neighborhood when they have home games at night because I have out of state plates...which is neat. Guess, how I know this fun fact. I was educated by the fine literature left on my car twice within 12 hours. Crazy pills. Fine literature, aka parking tickets.
So, this gets enforced starting at 5 p.m. I was supposed to have had a half day at work, so it wasn't going to be an issue to get home in time to move my car, but then they gave me more hours. Cool and not so much at the same time. So, I race out of work to chase after my bus that is just pulling away. I feel like the next one usually comes within like 5 maybe 10 minutes...but it didn't come for 20. I felt like I was going to have an aneurysm. As it turns out, Cubs game was cancelled today, so all was well even though I didn't get home until 5:15.
I was thinking to myself, how little patience I was exhibiting in this moment. I feel like learning patience has been the moral of the story of the last six months of my life. So, I was feeling like, "...man-I am weak, I should have plenty of patience. This is nothing considering all the job hunting, the car break-ins, repairs, theft, random accidents, health issues, and all that tricky boy-girl stuff that you have to deal with as a single. I would have thought that I would finally have developed patience by now" and then I realized that it's all gone. Curse.
For real though, this just keeps circling in my mind. It is such an interesing incongruity. You are supposed to be aquiring the varying thing that you are using up. I feel like this defies laws of economics. Yes? Yet, that is how it's grown, this virtue of patience.
In moments of self reflection, I have come to realize that most of my impatient moments are rooted in anxiety, fear and frustration. I want something that I can't have in that moment and evidently, don't trust everything to work out alright. Granted, sometimes things just are a mess and fall apart, so the fear is warranted, but not in a big picture sort of sense. Which is what patience is really most needed for.
I've been reading about this virtue in the scriptures, and have concluded from my reading that our ability to wait with patience is a relfection of our faith in the Lord. Our confidence that things will work out shows our trust in God. In 2 Timothy 1:7 we're told, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind." In Romans 5:3-5 the equation for patience is outlined, "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because of the love of God is shed aborad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
So there you have it. It doesn't seem intuitive...and yet it adds up. I believe it. Now if only I were better at practicing it...
This song is one of my very favorites. You're welcome if I am introducing it to you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjfIiTlkSms&feature=related