Somehow.....Someway......Someday

I've said it before....and I'm going to go ahead and say it again. Life just hasn't really gone much like I expected it to. At this point, it really doesn't look much like I thought it would either. Especially this whole moving to Chicago bit. It has been a doozie. So much of it I have loved....but I won't deny....it's had some rough moments for sure. I've been feeling it, but doing my very best to keep pushing forward. That's all you really can do. It reminds me of this time I was driving home from Utah to Washington. I was in my little beetle and I had already kind of hit some rough patches along the way....like running out of gas two miles outside of Boise in the middle of a hot summer day...you know little things. Maybe I took a wrong exit once....it's possible. It was my first time making the drive home alone and in my (then new to me) car. Don't judge me. At any rate, I was about two hours from home when out of nowhere a thick darkness loomed ahead. It was a storm of some sort...much like "The Nothing" in Never Ending Story. It was terrifying. I could barely see behind me and could barely see in front of me. With visibility like that I didn't feel safe pulling over, I was afraid I would get hit if I did. There was nothing else I could do, but just keep going, just following the headlights of the car in front of me the best I could. It felt like an eternity passed because I was so anxious, so worn down, but I made it through and it was back to a clear Summer day. I finally made it home. Life has definitely felt like hitting that storm all over again. Between job hunting, finances, matters of the heart, family and the other bits and pieces, I just haven't felt like I've had clear vision. I feel like I've been walking forward into the darkness. At times, I've really just felt like proverbially pulling over and trying to wait out the storm.....but life doesn't work that way. My personal motto has been this: Somehow....someway.....someday..... Things will work out. Maybe not like you plan....waiting doesn't always get you you're ideal...but: somehow, someway, someday, things work out. This morning I felt like I hit one of those "pull over!" moments....it was a rough morning. Then I got a call and an offer for a PR internship. Yes, please. Agreed, an internship is not my ideal. I would really, really, really love to have a full time gig. However, some opportunities just feel like the right chance to take. This is one of those. It started by accident. I was trolling for jobs...the usual, when I saw a posting with a firm I would really like to work for. But when I went to their website, the job wasn't listed. Strange. So I tweeted said firm and asked who I could send my resume to. They tweeted me back an email adderss. The email recipient told me that they were not hiring immediately but remembered me from my first internship here in Chicago and wanted to hear about how my career was going. So we talked and she said maybe come January if I was interested, they would be hiring again. I told her to keep me on her radar and kind of put it in on the back-burner in my mind. Then I got a call from the HR contact again last week telling me that an emergency had led to an immediate need for an intern hire. Less than a week later I went in yesterday for the interview and they offered me the internship today. So I said yes. So the story goes. Is my life complete now? Nope, still need and want some things. However, do I feel like somebody turned up the lights? Yes. I feel grateful, and I'm optimistic it will be a good fit, and I'm excited. As for the rest: somehow....someway.....someday. Speeding Cars by Imogen Heap is the song of the post. Enjoy. (yes it's hyperlinked)

Great Expectations

How does the story go for Pip? He get's these ideas in his head about how he thinks his life is going to go and what he expects from people....and then finds out he's wrong most of the time. Am I getting the gist right? I'm not necessarily going for a discourse on Dicken's literary work, however, I find my mind has been mulling over this thought today. Expectations. Expectation setting is a common theme you hear in a work setting. It's important to make sure that the people working with you know what their job role and responsibilities are. In our interpersonal relationships it is the same. Most tension is rooted in expectations not matching up. How can we possibly meet someone's needs if they don't communicate them? How will we know what really hurts or upsets someone if they don't share with you what those buttons are? We won't. So, my next question is this: how do you know when you have appropriate expectations of the people in your life? Are you setting yourself up for disappointment like Pip? There is of course a common base of social norms that you are pretty safe in expecting of others....but what about the rest? I think relationships are a lot like snowflakes in that they are all beautiful, intricate and unique. You can not make a cookie mold for how you interact with everyone in your life...or you shouldn't I don't think. It comes back to this question: how do you know? Communication is key, obviously...but even then, I don't think we are even fully cognizant of the expectations we set for ourselves and others. So naturally, when you ask a question looking outward, and you're weighing things in your mind, it often requires you to take a look inward. Are your expectations for yourself too great? Are you making allowances for yourself that you shouldn't? We all have our pet, "I'm just this way" qualities. Are those okay to have? If they're harmless, that's one thing, but ask yourself. As for expectations of this adventure of life...well, that is really tricky. In the words of my internship agency founder Leo Burnett, "When you reach for the stars, you may not reach them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either." I think so many of us sell ourselves short on what we are capable of accomplishing. I have found that I can do so much more than I ever thought I would. The trick is you have to learn to leap. I'm not perfect at it by any means....but all of the things I am most proud of in my life have required a leap. Along the same lines, it is important to expect life to change your plans. I've been learning that I can and should do all the planning and hoping that my little heart can manage. Put all of that same little heart into working to get it and then trusting the rest to work itself out. Well...I serve myself best when I can maintain that attitude anyway. This posts theme song, Hang With Me sings all about this idea of expectations. That and I'm addicted to it. Enjoy. ps-I've started hyperlinking the songs, click on it to listen.

Michael and I

I am a comms nerd. One of the theories that I found most fascinating while studying media effects was parasocial theory. The premise of this theory is that through enough mediated interaction with an individual or media persona the process of relationship formation happens. It's like you know them. Aka, you form a parasocial relationship with someone you don't actually have any interpersonal interaction with. ......so, my confession is that I'm little bit in love with Michael Buble. He's my parasocial boyfriend. I know, it's not that original of a choice. But let me tell you why he is such a perfect one. His voice is like butter and he's a cute one. The best thing about Michael though, is that he sings to me the things I want to hear and he'll sing it over and over and over again, no matter how many times I need to hear it. Like the song Lost . It's like I can put him on repeat or something.....oh wait, I can. He is always there when I need him....just like he tells me in Hold On. So, there you have it. It's out there. Go ahead and judge if you will. Go ahead and pretend like you don't have your own parasocial relationship. I know Michael and I are going to be very happy together.....he just hasn't me yet! ....minus the part where he's married to someone else hahaha

It wasn't much...but I called it home.

Today, I am moving from my little studio on Grace street. I love my little studio. This breaks my heart a lot-a bit. I didn't necessarily love it when I first took it, but that probably is more a reflection of the context of when I first moved in one year ago.
Yes, this is a flashback moment. When I first moved to Chicago, I was subleasing a condo downtown. Which was awesome. My internship with Edelman was in full swing and taking up all of my time...so the end of my sublease snuck up on me really quickly. I only had a matter of days to find a new place....nobody I knew had room for a roommate...so this was the cheapest, safest little studio I could find. It was close the lake and the utilities were included in the rent.
I moved in with three pieces of luggage and a borrowed air mattress. A guy who saved me from taking the wrong bus to the south side said to me after hearing this story, "this sounds like the beginning of a chick flick." Hahahahahaha, I think it does too.
Slowly I began to get more things. My good friends drove my car out to me, full of my belongings. I bought dishes, a lamp, a chair, some art. I got a free futon...and a free bed....and somewhere along the way, it became home.
The reason for the feeling of home I think is the memories that have been made in this little studio. Friends and family have come to visit. I've had some pretty significant conversations in this place that have strengthened relationships that are very close to my heart. We've laughed, we've cried.
It was always my refuge. I always felt safe here and I will leave a little piece of my heart with it. Goodbye little studio on Grace street, you've been so good to me.
The song dedication for this post is: "This is Home" by Switchfoot.

Learning from (my) Mistakes

Everybody make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Well, that's what people say anyway.......but I'm not so sure they mean it. I feel like people can know that, and yet still not exhibit that understanding when someone does in fact make a mistake. I know I feel that way about myself for sure. People also say, you're your own worst critic....and I think they mean me specifically when they say that.
I just find that it can be hard to be patient with repeats. Like you touched the stove and got burned....so why would you touch it again? Uh Duh- It's still going to hurt this time too. It's almost like I can't help myself though. Between work, relationships, budgets and just life...there's a lot of room for error.
I think for me, part of the solution lies in finding other choices. It's kind of like when I'm trying to keep myself from snacking; it's a lot easier to keep from snacking when I don't just tell myself to not snack-but stick in a piece of gum or something. You get what I'm saying right? You've got to replace negatives with positives, you have to change behaviors. It starts by recognizing where you make a mistake. However, instead of me just beating myself up for doing something dumb, it's much more useful to take control and create actionable solutions to do instead of said dumb mistake.
It's like that saying from "The Secret Garden," where you plant a rose a thistle can not grow. ......besides...I always mean really well....so bless my heart I guess.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZIzJUrViY4

Utah, THE WEDDING, Washington, Home...and the Reunion

So this last month I got the chance to go back to Utah and hang out with my sister and her family. It was so good for the soul to be with them-I love my sister's kids so much! If you saw them....you would understand. Not only are they the most beautiful children I have seen...but they also are the sweetest. I can't even tell you how much I love being an aunt. Tea parties, dance parties and tickle fights.....yeah....it's the best. My sister Katherine is pretty great too-love her lots!
As it turns out I went to Utah for the wedding I had been dreaming of for the past year. No, not my own sadly....(someday right? quick somebody pat me on my knee and smile sympathetically!)...but two of my friends finally figured out that they were in love with each other and that they should do something about that! I was so happy to be able to be there for their wedding. Jessica was stunning and Dan looked so happy....it truly is a beautiful thing when people find love with their best friend. It just made me so happy to see the generous love that they have developed for each other. Watching them be sealed in the temple as they listened and smiled at each other-it warmed my heart to know that this is just the beginning of their love story. It only gets better from here Dan and Jess! ....or so I'm told.....I wouldn't really know....but I'm pretty confident that will be true for you.
After the wedding I flew out to Washington, to see more family and (gasp) to go to my High School reunion. I know....I'm surprised too. It was great to see my brothers, my sweet, darling sister Kristen and my Papa. It did me a lot of good to see them all. I love my family.
For that reason, (to spend most of the time with my family) I only went to the bbq in the park for my High School Reunion. It was nice to see my old friends and yes I meant old-I don't know how this happened to us....I swear we just graduated. Some things have changed...some have stayed the same. It's funny to see what time will do for people. To see one of the goofiest guys from my class now married with a baby and planning on going into the ministry. Who knew! It was fun. I really don't know why people get anxious about their High School Reunions-there's no need. I was happy to see everyone!
All in all a good showing for just one week! I got to see so many people that I love and return to the places that I have once called home. It was a good trip. This song dedication is for Dan and Jessica. It was the song they played for their first dance-and I think the words are a perfect foreshadowing of their future. I know you will both continue to grow in your love for each other! Love you both! Congrats again!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AtaZ_NU_tU
also.....I happen to love this song too.....

My One Year Anniversary

One year ago today I moved to Chicago, Illinois. I had about a week from the time I was offered the internship and my start date. The best I could manage for living arrangements was to sublease an amazing condo in the heart of downtown. The catch was that I couldn't move in until the night of the 21st...which was also the day I started work.
My flight didn't arrive until just before midnight in Chicago. I spent that night in a hotel by the airport. I had googled directions and had them printed out and left early. I was all dolled up and ready to take on this city. Except that it was raining....and I didn't pack an umbrella. I assumed that rain meant cold...but it didn't. So I was sweating in the humidity under my trench coat as I got soaking wet in the rain.
I got on the right train and got off at the right stop.....but from there I was confused. Aka lost. Which way was east Google?! There are no mountains-only buildings-how the crap am I supposed to know!? I asked three people for directions and each lead me astray. One person directed me to the AON center...which turned out to be the Thompson Center. Neat. I was frantically trying to get ahold of my contact in HR, because as you guessed it...I was late.
By the time I made it to the building and checked in....I was pretty much a hot mess and 45 minutes late. It wasn't necessarily an ideal cute meet for me and Chicago. However, it didn't take long for me to fall in love. Despite the terrifying walk to work each morning at 4:45 a.m. and taking wrong buses that put me in the projects.
Chicago Summer is amazing. Thursdays were my favorite. I'd get off work and go to my beloved Farmer's Market in the Daley Plaza. (I was committed to the Farmer's Market.) I would buy fresh produce and flowers. Then I would head to the Art Institute (free on Thursday nights) and wander through the gardens to the free concert in Millennium Park afterward. Fireworks at Navy Pier, walks along the Chicago River, random boat rides on the lake, Cubs games, road trips. It was a wonderful Summer.
Fall came and things began to change. I had moved from downtown to a quaint little neighborhood near Wrigley Field. My internship ended and a chill began to set in. It was a long, cold winter. It really was. We had Chiclone hit in the fall and the Chicago blizzard that shut down the city. I was job hunting, and temping. My friends brought my car to me...and the city welcomed it by ticketing it, towing it, breaking into it and stealing it.
Though it was often covered in snow, I could still see the beauty Chicago had to offer. The Chriskindle market, ice skating in Millennium Park, the Lincoln Zoo lights, dueling piano's, WICKED, and dance parties were all bright spots that warmed the soul. My love only grew stronger.
Now here it is Summer again. We've made it through tornado watches and the time for beach volleyball and bbq's is here. I started a new internship that I love and the sun is shining again....well most days. There have been highs and there have been lows, but we've worked through them. Chicago holds my heart for now and I am so happy to be here living my dream, one day at a time. Happy Anniversary Chicago, I love you!