As it turns out, I am not always a patient woman. I mean to be, bless my heart....but I'm not.
Today, I left work a little early because I was trying to race the parking police to my car. The Cubs season has started again...which is great! ....and now I can't park in my neighborhood when they have home games at night because I have out of state plates...which is neat. Guess, how I know this fun fact. I was educated by the fine literature left on my car twice within 12 hours. Crazy pills. Fine literature, aka parking tickets.
So, this gets enforced starting at 5 p.m. I was supposed to have had a half day at work, so it wasn't going to be an issue to get home in time to move my car, but then they gave me more hours. Cool and not so much at the same time. So, I race out of work to chase after my bus that is just pulling away. I feel like the next one usually comes within like 5 maybe 10 minutes...but it didn't come for 20. I felt like I was going to have an aneurysm. As it turns out, Cubs game was cancelled today, so all was well even though I didn't get home until 5:15.
I was thinking to myself, how little patience I was exhibiting in this moment. I feel like learning patience has been the moral of the story of the last six months of my life. So, I was feeling like, "...man-I am weak, I should have plenty of patience. This is nothing considering all the job hunting, the car break-ins, repairs, theft, random accidents, health issues, and all that tricky boy-girl stuff that you have to deal with as a single. I would have thought that I would finally have developed patience by now" and then I realized that it's all gone. Curse.
For real though, this just keeps circling in my mind. It is such an interesing incongruity. You are supposed to be aquiring the varying thing that you are using up. I feel like this defies laws of economics. Yes? Yet, that is how it's grown, this virtue of patience.
In moments of self reflection, I have come to realize that most of my impatient moments are rooted in anxiety, fear and frustration. I want something that I can't have in that moment and evidently, don't trust everything to work out alright. Granted, sometimes things just are a mess and fall apart, so the fear is warranted, but not in a big picture sort of sense. Which is what patience is really most needed for.
I've been reading about this virtue in the scriptures, and have concluded from my reading that our ability to wait with patience is a relfection of our faith in the Lord. Our confidence that things will work out shows our trust in God. In 2 Timothy 1:7 we're told, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind." In Romans 5:3-5 the equation for patience is outlined, "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because of the love of God is shed aborad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
So there you have it. It doesn't seem intuitive...and yet it adds up. I believe it. Now if only I were better at practicing it...
This song is one of my very favorites. You're welcome if I am introducing it to you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjfIiTlkSms&feature=related
