When Life Has Different Plans For You

Life keeps catching me by surprise these days. It just doesn't look much like I thought it would. I tend to be a very goal oriented person. So, with the big things, I usually have a bit of a road map that I plan on following. Lately, it's just not working. I keep making a wrong turn....heading down one-ways, running into dead ends it feels like. In those moments, it's hard not to focus on the disappointment.
However, I have been reflecting on some of the more significant course corrections thus far in my life. I have been realizing that my disappointment has led to new opportunity. Some of the things that I am most proud of are the fruits of seeking new opportunity. My music, my book, my master's degree and my work with fighting child trafficking in Guatemala have all come about in this way. None of these things were in my plans, but they are some of what I consider my life highlights.
I'm realizing that I am doing a little bit of this right now. Career wise, I had the steps all laid out...and it hasn't quite worked out that way. But go ahead life, bring on the unexpected. It keeps it exciting I suppose, and who knows how I will reflect on this time of my life later. Maybe, I'll be able to list off another life highlight. The point is, that I am realizing that this moment of my life is not the end of my story, it's just a chapter. Just a part of the journey.
http://rosedogbooks-store.stores.yahoo.net/twmyexoftwph.html
....it's a little embarrasing...but I really like this Justin Bieber song. It's probably because I pray for a better day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9tJW9MDs2M

Dating Lessons Learned from the Bachelor

That's right! It's that time again. Another season of the bachelor has come and gone. What a season it was...they let Brad Womack make a come back. The last time around, he said he just didn't feel what he needed to feel. He didn't fall in love. So, he left the show alone. He was pretty much hated for it, everyone had seen him fall for Deanna supposedly. To be honest, I didn't watch that season. All the same, this time around, America fell back in love with Brad and Brad fell in love. Aw, so now he's the come back kid! Even though it's reality tv, we can all learn a few things from his experience.
First lesson comes from the background story of Brad. The first time around, he says he didn't fall in love. Nobody bought it. They saw him fall in love. He's gone to therapy for the last few years and realized he just wasn't emotionally available last go around. Sure he knew he wanted love in his life, but he wasn't willing to make himself vulnerable and let a woman in. At least that is what he says he and his therapist concluded. I reckon it's probably true, and I agree with it. Here is the first lesson: if you want love, you have to be open, you have to be emotionally available, you have to be vulnerable.
Next lesson: first impressions matter. If you were to take note of the three final girls and there first introduction to Brad, you would see that they all made an impact. In the case of Chantel...literally. (It's not recommended that you slap someone when you first meet them fyi. Just in case you didn't know that wasn't socially acceptable....it's not. Also, just a ps..she didn't end up winning.) The moment Brad saw his now fiance, Emily, he was smitten. It was obvious. So make your first moments count......with every single person you meet. Totally doable...
Next lesson: Stay classy and gracious. Girls were sent packing that couldn't keep their poise. It's just plain unattractive. Also, nobody wants to be bullied, you make think you're flirting....but make sure that you don't cross the abrasive line like Michelle did.
Next lesson: Don't prematurely force a bond by over sharing. Brad in his efforts to be open this season and let a woman into his heart lead to a lot more vulnerable conversations. These are great...in the right context...it's got to be part of your progression...if you're not progressing...don't try to force it by sharing something deeply personal from your past. Sure, you will have bonded...but you will be the only one. We saw that. In some instances Brad realized he just didn't care enough about the girl, even though she had developed "strong" feelings for him. Emily waited until there was a foundation before she shared her personal tragedy, look how it turned out for her. Just sayin....
Next lesson: keep a little mystery. I wouldn't go the extreme of wearing fangs...but Vampires have been pretty hot lately... Again though, the final three standing all made Brad work for it a bit.
Next lesson: The distinction is, they made him work for it a BIT. Nobody wants to fall in love alone. You need to give people enough to go on to feel safe in moving forward with you. Even though Brad was clearly smitten with Emily we saw him pull back when she raised some red flags. The key is that she quickly resolved his concerns. Who knows what would have happened if she hadn't...
So, there you have it. My analysis of this season. Like I'm some kind of expert on dating or something...but for whatever it's worth.

Not Just Man's Best Friend

This blog post is dedicated to one of my good friends from this adventure called life. My dog Sammy was put to rest yesterday. I'm not gonna lie to you...I'm pretty gutted about it. I know you probably think you've known some good dogs....but Sammy is on a level all his own.
We inherited Sammy from my brother-in-law when he married my sister Katherine, like 15 years ago. Yeah, 15 years. This is what I'm saying. Sammy became a part of my life pretty young. I know it sounds a little over done, but Sammy was a blessing in all of our lives.
I can't count the number of times I went on a walk with Sammy and spilled my guts to him. (Yep, now you know, I'm a crazy...talking to a dog...) He just had a goodness about him that can't be described, but if you ever met Sammy, you know exactly what I mean.
He was our family's "Marley", only he was a really good, obedient dog. So, he was a lot easier to love. He was a part of so much...sometimes, annoyingly so. I can remember practicing tennis against our garage outside and having to race Sammy to the tennis balls, otherwise he'd destroy them! In hindsight it probably helped me develop my speed and scrapiness :) Ha! He just always wanted to be with you.
He was such a great friend to my Dad when we all left him..and I will always, always, love that dog for that. The last few years because of that friendship I began telling Sammy that he wasn't allowed to die. I would remind him everytime I saw him. 16 years is not bad for a dog. Obedient up until the end, he was trying to hang around...but he was suffering a lot. It was just time. Sometimes...it is.
So, Sammy boy, this blogs for you. I will truly miss you.

First Dates and Interviews

So, lately, I've had a few first dates.....and I've had some experience with interviewing as well. I've come to discover how similar they both are. In theory, these first impressions have the potential to lead to a committed relationship. In many instances this proves to be true. We move forward with so little to go on!
First impression, you worry about what to wear, what to say, putting your best foot forward. The questions are usually very surface level questions and most have been asked of you before. On occasion someone might dig a little deeper, but how much can you get out of one conversation? The most you can hope for is getting a good vibe from someone. It's a bit of a leap of faith and is usually based on instinct.
Let's be honest, for the most part, if you got invited on the date, or the interview, your prospect thinks your qualified. Now what they are looking for is a good fit. While I concede that many people go on a couple of dates before phasing into a relationship, and many employers have multiple stages to their interview process-I would argue that the decision is made in that first impression. Dangerous, but true.
For both parties, you have so little to go on. The invited is eager to please and is hopeful that they will find what they are looking for in the invitee. A relationship is formed and then reality sets in. Nobody really keeps it real on a first date or an interview, how can you possibly? Life then happens and all of a sudden you find yourself realizing that this person is different than you thought they were! "I thought you were happy all of the time!" "I didn't know you were going to disagree with me!" Well, it is what it is. Here's hoping you can work through it...but sometimes...the realization leads to a break up. Again, it is what it is. Then you have to start all over again....OR here's hoping that your gut instinct was right-and you found what you were looking for and live happily ever after.
Just for the record, in the spirit of transparency and keeping it real: I do love to laugh and I love to smile and I love a lot of things. I think it's important to work hard....sometimes...I work too hard. I might be what some people call a workaholic...... I also really like people, and people's feelings are important to me. As it turns out, I have bad days sometimes. Sometimes, I don't feel like smiling (...though you can probably trick me into it). So there you have it. Love me or leave me. Good luck in finding what you're looking for!
If you're still looking....or decided that you're not looking...here's a good theme song I have found recently:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UPEkkbVjZk