Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dating Lessons Learned from the Bachelor


That's right! It's that time again. Another season of the bachelor has come and gone. What a season it was...they let Brad Womack make a come back. The last time around, he said he just didn't feel what he needed to feel. He didn't fall in love. So, he left the show alone. He was pretty much hated for it, everyone had seen him fall for Deanna supposedly. To be honest, I didn't watch that season. All the same, this time around, America fell back in love with Brad and Brad fell in love. Aw, so now he's the come back kid! Even though it's reality tv, we can all learn a few things from his experience.
First lesson comes from the background story of Brad. The first time around, he says he didn't fall in love. Nobody bought it. They saw him fall in love. He's gone to therapy for the last few years and realized he just wasn't emotionally available last go around. Sure he knew he wanted love in his life, but he wasn't willing to make himself vulnerable and let a woman in. At least that is what he says he and his therapist concluded. I reckon it's probably true, and I agree with it. Here is the first lesson: if you want love, you have to be open, you have to be emotionally available, you have to be vulnerable.
Next lesson: first impressions matter. If you were to take note of the three final girls and there first introduction to Brad, you would see that they all made an impact. In the case of Chantel...literally. (It's not recommended that you slap someone when you first meet them fyi. Just in case you didn't know that wasn't socially acceptable....it's not. Also, just a ps..she didn't end up winning.) The moment Brad saw his now fiance, Emily, he was smitten. It was obvious. So make your first moments count......with every single person you meet. Totally doable...
Next lesson: Stay classy and gracious. Girls were sent packing that couldn't keep their poise. It's just plain unattractive. Also, nobody wants to be bullied, you make think you're flirting....but make sure that you don't cross the abrasive line like Michelle did.
Next lesson: Don't prematurely force a bond by over sharing. Brad in his efforts to be open this season and let a woman into his heart lead to a lot more vulnerable conversations. These are great...in the right context...it's got to be part of your progression...if you're not progressing...don't try to force it by sharing something deeply personal from your past. Sure, you will have bonded...but you will be the only one. We saw that. In some instances Brad realized he just didn't care enough about the girl, even though she had developed "strong" feelings for him. Emily waited until there was a foundation before she shared her personal tragedy, look how it turned out for her. Just sayin....
Next lesson: keep a little mystery. I wouldn't go the extreme of wearing fangs...but Vampires have been pretty hot lately... Again though, the final three standing all made Brad work for it a bit.
Next lesson: The distinction is, they made him work for it a BIT. Nobody wants to fall in love alone. You need to give people enough to go on to feel safe in moving forward with you. Even though Brad was clearly smitten with Emily we saw him pull back when she raised some red flags. The key is that she quickly resolved his concerns. Who knows what would have happened if she hadn't...
So, there you have it. My analysis of this season. Like I'm some kind of expert on dating or something...but for whatever it's worth.

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